Hi, there! It took me quite some time to get started on this blog because I wasn’t sure of what I should write about. I’m still not sure, but I decided to give it a go. In general I’m not very good with expressing myself through words. You can ask my friends, they are constantly laughing at me because of something that came out wrong. I prefer dancing and singing.
My first post is going to be kind of deep. I’ve been wondering how we as living, feeling and loving beings, can distance ourselves from people who are no longer featuring in our lives. I need to mention that I can get emotional, especially concerning my friends. I’m in my fourth year of study and I still find myself missing some of the friends I haven’t seen or heard of since our last day of school. I had to stop and ask myself to what extent loving people or, sometimes even clinging to people you think you love, is functional. I study psychology, so many people would expect me to know the answer to my own question, but I don’t. My question is: How do you stop loving or caring for people before it becomes disfunctional or inhibiting? I don’t see me missing my friends as inhibiting, since its only in moments of nostalgy that they come to mind again. Maybe its more the memory or the experience that evokes emotion rather than the person?
The reason I started thinking about this again, was because a friend of mine was mugged and stabbed this past weekend. I only found out a day later, but the moment the girl who told me, said it, I felt my heart stop for a moment. I had to focus for a moment to hear her say that he was okay and just a bit shaken. My next question is: How is it that some of us, like me, can love people in such a way that it seems impossible to live without them (friends, family) and then you get people who seem to not love anyone? From a psychological point of view, people would say it has to do with personality or disposition, but I find it hard to simplify it like that.
I hope I’m making a bit of sense, at least, and I would really like to hear some views on this. Cobus, ek wag in spanning…
cobus Said:
on March 28, 2007 at 6:11 am
Glad your writing!
Maybe I’m one of those unfeeling ones who don’t seem to love anyone:-) But that can also be perception. On the other hand, I think you do learn to really connect, and then let go, for example after camps.
But I kind of know how you feel. I, AGAIN, mailed one of our old friends this week, after, AGAIN, months of not talking. But I just can’t bear the idea that a relationship of complete trust can become so broken that there is no relationship left at all. Is there a point where we give up? Is it better to give up at some stage? When will that be?
OK, spanning gebreek. Ek was so eager, ek het eers nadat ek klaar geskryf was jou laaste sinnetjie gesien, nie eens klaar gelees nie:-)
aventer Said:
on April 5, 2007 at 11:56 am
Hey
Glad to see you’re writing. Anyway, I see myself as one of those people who seem to love everyone. Maybe I’m wrong. When I look at all my friends going to university, I’m kind of sad. You don’t talk to them a lot so you miss them.
But you don’t forget them either. Like new friends at camps. You may not talk a lot but you remember them.
Kan nie wag om te sien wat jy skryf nie. Geniet dit
Annemarie
Pete Said:
on April 6, 2007 at 11:12 am
Hi there Sunette,
I’m so glad to see that I have someone to philosophize (or Cobus may call it “contemplate”) with as far as psychology is conserned.
I think “not feeling” is a defence mechanism, something that you learn to do and don’t necessarily intend to do. It could happen that in your mind you need to put a barrier between you and other people in order for the self not to get hurt. I think depression works a lot along the same lines – it’s not something you intend on doing, but before you can help yourself you find yourself snapping at people – or not even that! You just might feel no emotion at all – as if your life is on auto-pilot (like the movie “Click”).
This is obviously apart from the fact that certain people has a more “stoic” personality type and certain nationalities aren’t used to expressing their emotions like South Africans are – in their culture it’s not acceptable and is seen as weekness.
I think that if you can feel you should know that you are privileged, I have been at a place where I did not feel and I don’t want to go back there again.
Let’s keep on dancing through life!
http://faithjourneywithgod.wordpress.com
sunette Said:
on April 16, 2007 at 9:05 am
I know exactly what you mean, Pete. I’ve been in that same place and I’ve experienced the ‘not feeling’ as a defence mechanism. Still, at some point you have to realize that it is bad for your wellbeing. Ok, so getting hurt is bad too, but that’s part of life. I have to admit I learned this the hard way and I’m still learning it everyday.
Thanx for your psychological view on things. I look forward to ‘contemplating’ psychology with you!
jc Said:
on April 28, 2007 at 9:07 pm
firstly, i don’t think it should be necessary to stop loving someone before is becomes disfunctional. i feel love is a gift, like you said, not everyone is able to love. so fight for it. if you loose a friendship that is dear to you, let it be by matters out of your control.
secondly, to narrow the ability to love down to personality and disposition is no simple task. no two people has the exact same personality. to find the one (if there is only one), distinct reason some people can’t love, is impossible.
always love as if you never have before, because friends are everything, your past, present and future. rather loose a 1000 diamonds before loosing 1 friend.
just some thoughts.